This is what happened to me from the age of about four to the age of 16.
This is the hardest bit for me, but if I stick to basic facts I should be ok. I was abused by a family friend (and his children) when very young. I don’t have very clear memories of individual occasions, they merge into one.
The daughter would also insert things into me. The son would watch at the door until after a while when he started to join in. I Their father would also come at night if ever I stayed at their house and he would do things to me.
When I was 11 or 12, the parents divorced and the children went with their mother. The abuse stopped, no more sleepovers, no more ‘play’ dates.
When I was 16 the final event happened. He, the husband, soon to become rapist, turned up at my home and lured me out.
On the way, he needed to pop home to let the dog out and feed it… no prizes for guessing what followed. During the rape threatened me with a knife, knelt on my hands and arms and used my clothes as a blindfold.
After the rape we ran and in the car journey home I was threatened with the life of my family to keep quiet….
At home, my dad and his ‘friend’ sat and drank together and I stayed quiet, but hurting.
I kept his secret, I still do, my family don’t know to this day and the hurting continues.
You are safe, it’s not happening now,
they can’t hurt you any more
You are not a child, you are an adult,
it’s just a horrible memory.
You can do this, listen to the sounds around you,
look out of the window. You are safe.