What it means to dissociate for me…. and maybe for you too. It doesn’t contain any official definition.
When I think about my abuse, my head takes me somewhere else. It does it frequently, after a flashback or a trigger. It does it a lot in counselling, especially if talking about what happened.
Sometimes I become the abused child, often when I’m in crisis. I look to be comforted and rescued. I look for anyone, often disclosing to inappropriate people or emailing someone and then regretting it.
When I dissociate I lose control of myself, I go back into the past in my head and become that victim. It’s a foggy feeling and something which I can’t control.
Sometimes when I dissociate, I become a younger version of myself, I become an abused child, I go into a state of trauma, or I become a sullen teenager, or a younger child desperate for comfort.