On this page I will add issues that come from my counselling sessions.
Wednesday………I’m off to counselling again today – this afternoon. I’m not sure what I’m going to say, although my over-riding feeling at the moment is one of not liking myself very much. Maybe I’ll go with that. The other major issue is whether to process or not process.
Wednesday 17th April After Counselling …………. I’m very dissociative now. I tried to talk about it, but then I just go. We talked about the emotional bits and how I struggle to express it. How it all gets stuck.
Monday 22nd April ……. I’ve been journalling by email this week. I prefer it for now. It’s just like a journal, but it’s to someone, it’s like me talking out loud to my counsellor. When it gets too long, I send it, but she knows that I’m not expecting a reply, she doesn’t even have to read it immediately, but we can talk about the contents in my next session. When I journal in a book, it’s much more muddled – I’m definitely better typing it, reviewing it and sending it occasionally.
Saturday 4th May
I’m feeling rubbish today. I went for counselling and I couldn’t talk about it. I couldn’t talk about any of it. I avoided and I talked about other stuff and then towards the end I tried to express it, nearly cried (which is amazing for me), but I couldn’t. I just want it to stop hurting and it never does.